The Path Of Becoming Authentic

Last night, I had a dream. Maybe it was a real dream, maybe a lucid dream, maybe I was somewhere where I do not know the name of. It might have been lucid as I could solve some technical problems, or was that me doing it in my waking state? I cannot know for sure. When I look back, it looks like a blur that fluctuated from crystal hyper clarity to fuzzy dream like moments and back.

So, what was this experience about? The clear trigger was my intent to get clear imagery for my direction. I do not feel lost at all, I feel like all those paintings that I have been painting the past 20 years inside my head are now coming out and extremely rapidly progress into the new series, about me in the future. This sense of pace I feel through my body, there is this urge to paint faster, but this is an old mental awareness, this is about the backlog of “paintings I should have made”. I feel in a sense this is the old me, but at the same time the essential me. Without this me, I would not be where I am now.

And then there is the new me, cautious and intuitive. I let the colours flow into one another and use the limitations or rather opportunities of the materials to guide me. When I realized the very fine hair stroke I created with a watercolour brush and acrylic paint, I instantly knew this is something to further explore. The first inclination happened when I painted Untitled 2016 where I had this moment of deciding to either camouflage the phallic representation or continue and see what was to happen. I continued, and I added, naturally and not because of reasoning, the little hairs which turned the almost boulder like objects into almost living creatures. Then I turned the whole painting upside down, and it made much more sense.

So, this following through with my own, how can I call this, deeper me, brings me to places I would not come easily? The boulder or creature like shapes lead to Fingers Into The Unknown #1 and #2 became more formalized as I realized a rhythm. There is one recent painting of yesterday that I should add when I have the right light conditions to make a good photo, and there is one painting on the easel waiting for the next brush strokes.

They both make sense to me, and my dream makes even more sense when I look at my latest painting (in progress). My dream showed eyes in all kinds of colours, not hum eyes, but different eyes. Carefully painted and finished with a convex shaped crystal clear layer. It felt odd in my dream, it felt artificial, and still, it does. I was inquired this layer, but it seems needed, the reflection is needed. This sounds all very abstract perhaps but in my mind and soul I know the next steps and even more so, I know this is something that will last longer than I want to accept. I love to change and speed, and now I feel this pleasant anchor keeping me in place and asking me to investigate this.