A Difficult Birth was the sentence that kept popping back into my head when I pondered on how to proceed with this painting. At the end of painting Woman On Beach I knew I should start with a dark background. I also knew there should be “places of origin” in the new painting. And, I knew I had to use the fragile and ethereal human forms.

I also knew these ethereal shapes emerge from, and, go back into those “places of origin”. But there I was, the background done and a thought this is going to be a nice illustration of some cosmic event kept cycling through my mind over and over again. A nice wallpaper…

This is a difficult birth, a difficult birth. Should the human forms emerge from all the places of origin? Should they combine, like a venn-diagram? Should they go off-canvas and if so, why? Should they form together a human shape but alone they are “just shapes”?

And on and on it went. The story is about time not being linear. The story is about everything happens at once and about now dimensionality. Yes, this fails on many levels but to paint reality is a futile exercise. I pre-visualise a lot and fairly well, I can see the painting in it’s many stages and judge which tells the better story. But only when I paint the truth comes into view, we see.

It falls apart

And then it falls all apart, the painting went in a totally wrong direction. My hand got stuck on the painting at each movement and this created irregular lines. When I tried to fix it, it became worse. The overall direction was wrong, I felt trapped. The background was too precious, I had fallen in love with the details and did not want to disturb those.

A big mistake and I could not escape it. What should have become a painting became an ugly wallpaper. There is nothing left but to tear it up and throw it away. Pre-visualisation skills or not, in the end it is about the stroke, vision and letting go. I learn each and every day.